My Mom, Cass, was born on March 21, 1946 and this year, she would have turned 78. I spent some time in the morning of her birthday really missing her and feeling sadness but also happy that I had her for 18 years.  Too short, yes. But also, there was so much beauty in those years too.

I absolutely love this photo of my Mom, taken around 1970 or 71. She is so happy in this photo, smiling like she doesn’t have a care in the world. I suspect one of her friends or my Dad took this photo of her at a party. Her birthday was always such a big deal for us as a family, we’d lavish her with gifts and go out for a super fancy dinner. It was always a great night for the four of us. My Mom lit up on her birthday, and it made me so happy to spoil her. She didn’t ask for much and always put other people’s needs in front of her own. But on her birthday? She was the queen.

I miss her on big days like her birthday. Most of the time, I go through my days relatively unaware of my grief, not because I’m trying to avoid it, but just because the feelings over the years have been less intense and I’ve processed a lot of in therapy.

But at Christmas, on my birthday, my parent’s wedding anniversary and her birthday, I definitely feel that heaviness in my heart.

How have you navigated anniversaries? Avoidance? Denial? Rituals? Taking time for yourself? I’d love to know what tools and resources you’ve found the most helpful. I am always looking for new things to add to the Motherlove Project Resources page. Let me know in the comments how you navigate these days.

xo Janet