Connecting to our grief through music

Two months after my mom died in 1995, I started at the University of British Columbia in my first year of my undergraduate degree. I was so sad, all the time. My friends were the only thing that got me through that year.

At 18, music was so important to me. We heard that one of our favourite bands, Spirit of the West, was playing a show at the Commodore Ballroom downtown, a prime concert spot (remember the floor?). We got tickets and headed down to the concert. Halfway through a sweaty, beating, loud, intense, amazing show, John Mann, Spirit’s lead singer, introduced the next song by saying he had written it for his friend who had recently died. I was so close to the stage that I looked right at him and started to cry my eyes out. I couldn’t hold back the tears, no matter how hard I tried. The music, the show and the intensity of my grief overwhelmed me. My friend grabbed my hand and held on. We sang every word to the song, I cried.

When the song was over, I probably went to the bar to get another beer, I did that a lot that year, and the years after. The main thing I remember about those years was the connection I had between my grief and certain songs. Songs that reminded me of my mom, songs that connected me directly to my grief.

Amber Brambury, an amazing grief awareness advocate, put the most beautiful grief playlist together. My songs on the list are:

• For Good by Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenowith

• Good Mother by Jann Arden

• Hallelujiah by K.D. Lang

• Landslide by the Chicks

• Both Sides Now, Joni Mitchell

These songs make me cry to this day. My mom died 27 years ago, and I when I hear any of these songs, I am 18 years old again, crying uncontrollably at a Spirit of the West concert at the Commodore ballroom.

I hope you listen to the playlist and tap into your grief, it’s so powerful, so sacred.