My story starts and ends with love– a mother’s love. I was born one of the lucky ones, the kind of lucky that immediately places you into the hands of the greatest woman to ever exist, your mother. Mine was the greatest– caring, patient, selfless, loving, faithful, and imperfectly perfect, though I think most people say the same thing. 

From the moment I entered this world I was blessed with her love, influence and support. I never imagined that I’d be doing life without her at an age that feels entirely too young to be motherless. In 2017, my world collapsed, every single piece of life as I knew split wide open. My mother took her last breaths at only 57-years-old and it changed everything. 

It changed me. It changed my future. It changed life as I knew it and life as I hoped it would be. Her death created a ripple effect on each and every thing that remained. I had no idea grief’s power or influence until the day I sat with my mother as she left this world and entered eternity. 

To truly know the pain of losing my mother you have to understand why she’s missed… 

She’s missed because she was the kind of mother every child deserves but not every child receives. She’s the kind of mother who never missed a sporting event and would work an extra shift if it meant getting you the pair of jeans you really wanted. She’s the kind of mother that taught you things, important things- like character, faith, kindness, patience and resiliency. She’s the kind of mother that wiped your tears and also gave you a gentle push or nudge when you needed it. 

She’s the kind of mother that’s missed so fiercely now that she’s gone because she was an integral part of every piece of me that is good. She taught me through example, none of that “do as I say, not as I do” kind of teaching. She taught me through leading the way and living the way she hoped I’d one day live, the way I hope I’m living now.

She only lived to be 57 but in those 57 years, she blessed me (and my entire family) in immeasurable and unforgettable ways. She battled cancer four times and each time she came out braver and stronger than before. She lost hair and she lost weight but she never lost the hope for added days or the pursuit of loving us beautifully until she couldn’t. 

She told my father and close family in the final days and moments that she felt comfortable letting go of this life and leaving us for eternity because she knew we’d be taken care of. She said when she looked around and really paid attention, we were happy and well-loved, we were surrounded by people that would support us through what was to come. I wish she would have told me those things because I would have told her that she was the foundation to that happiness. She was the one that started it all.

I think she knew but I still wish I’d be able to tell her again and again that she was and will always be the greatest woman I’ve ever known or loved. 

She’s a mother worthy of being missed. A mother who will remain a critical piece of our future, even if it’s composed in a way that we simply cannot understand. She remains here, just as she promised, she’s simply in a capacity that we cannot see nor comprehend. 

Losing my mother changed my life. Most of those changes broke me, most of those changes shattered my heart and my soul. Most of those changes destroyed life as I knew it. But when the dust settled and her body had been lowered into the earth, when the light became visible again, when all of the firsts without her were out of the way, and when I could finally and eventually stand and breathe again…I stood up to find her last and final gift– her legacy. 

And the day I realized that pausing my life meant pausing her legacy, things changed again. Now I live for her and for me– for both of us, always. Now I carry her legacy into each new day striving to make her proud.

And I hope you’ll do the same when you find yourself holding the legacy of someone you love. 

First you hurt, then you heal. And then one day, when you’re ready, you honor the legacy you’ve been gifted. 

It all starts and ends with love.

xox, Chels