Meghan’s Story
I remember the day my mom was diagnosed and I’ll remember it for the rest of my time on this earth. Stage 4 Cancer, of unknown origin at that time. May 2020, just as the world was fully shut down from COVID. The first doctor, who recited the CT scan results, said we didn’t have much time: “very advanced.”
I crumbled. This was my person. My companion of 43 years, my momma, best friend, loving mother to my wife, Meem to my kids, and the one who taught me unconditional love.
My mom fought breast cancer 15 years prior, and now we had a bleak Ovarian Cancer diagnosis. She fought like a rockstar for two years, which was longer than we initially thought was possible.
Six months of chemo, followed by a few months break spent in and out of the hospital, just to learn of her first recurrence in May 2021 - almost exactly one year to the day of her original diagnosis. Another six-month cycle of chemo and we finally thought it was under control again for a very brief amount of time, only to be followed by multiple months of hospitals visits.
We soon learned that the Ovarian Cancer was actually under control, but even during all the chemo, Triple Negative Breast Cancer entered the scene with a fury in May 2022 - almost exactly two years to the day of her original diagnosis. To say we were shocked was an extreme understatement.
We were hopeful with a breast cancer diagnosis briefly because it meant more options than Ovarian Cancer treatment. However, once the type was confirmed, I knew it was not treatable, certainly not with anything she could tolerate after two years of chemo - only to potentially give her a couple months. Triple Negative - and then I knew: mom was ready to rest. Her level of exhaustion finally hit with this final, impossible diagnosis.
We were gifted two years and mom lived to 70 against all odds, after three cancers. We celebrated her 70th birthday in February with all things flamingo - her favorite!!
She passed away only a couple months after learning about the metastatic Breast Cancer. She left this earth telling me every day that she had a great life, and that she had all the best people with her along the way. She was so sad to leave us and also at peace. Between drifting in and out in her final week, she told us these things:
Take care of each other and the boys (to my wife and I)
You are my girls and I love you for all you’ve done
I am ok and ready to go
To me: Do something great that you finally love, or I’ll come haunt you (PS, I am!)
Please still always talk to me and don’t forget me (as if!)
This woman had a strength and light that I’ve never encountered. She fought with every ounce of her unwavering, beautiful spirit. She was stubborn as all get-out, as we liked to call each other, and it served us both very well on this journey.
I've never been one to pray and I certainly never prayed for someone to leave this earth... But I begged the universe to take her and set her free.
Her final weeks were filled with so much pain and yet she still hugged and comforted ME as I sobbed in her arms, rattling her home hospice bed. She told me she loved me while stroking my hair like she did when I was a little girl.
If you’re ever searching for the definition of a mother, that’s it. She was a mom first, worried about me and my family, until her spirit left her body.
I felt anxiety, heartbreak, anger, and finally peace and relief when she passed.
RIP Kathie McDaniel: June 21, 2022.
My grief was delayed because I was so grateful her suffering ended, but it meant the beginning of mine. Now during these difficult moments of grief, I remind myself of the two years we had together, with the knowledge of the end to come.
Many families would give anything to be able to say goodbye and have any time at all, regardless of how difficult it may be. So I am grieving and grateful.
There can be beauty and peace in sharing a farewell. We were all able to say ‘I love you” and ‘goodbye’.
It was devastating, and yet some of my favorite and most cherished moments with my mom took place in those two years. In the worst of times, we found immense joy and an even stronger bond.
I tell her story to anyone who asks, and even those who don’t, and I honor my mom by trying to be the best version of myself even in the midst of my grief. I try to comfort and be a resource for those navigating similar circumstances and hope to have some small, positive impact on their journey.
I talk to her every day, as I have my entire life. I was blessed with a fierce, strong, loving, and compassionate woman to call mom. She may have left this earth too soon, but the example she set and the impact she left on those around her is a permanent and life altering legacy.
