Annette’s Story

Rosa’s Accident

Ma, I have been a bit busy.  As you know, Daddy was in full denial of your death and that led me to care for him once you passed.  No no no…it is not your fault!!  Ma!!  Please stop.  This is what GOD’s plan was for me.  You have a minute?  You’ve been real quiet Ma.  Maybe, maybe I have been quiet…

Ma, I have been angry for so long. After you passed I was lost.  Caring for you was one thing but then daddy!!  I was angry you left me with him.  I was angry you left me.  I was angry for all the moments not yet lived.  For Michelle.  For Ben and Emma.  For all of it.  I was angry. 

This kind lady at the Motherlove Project connected with me, you know on the Instagram thing you liked…and well I have been promising to write something about you, but I just could not get it out.  Ma, I have something to tell you.  You sitting down?  I had a stroke just like you. 

Yes.  A stroke.

No, I am not kidding.

Please don’t cry!! Oh gosh, I didn’t come here to make you upset!  Listen, something miraculous happened.  You know what I have been through and all, well the stroke literally cracked open my heart.  My heart so heavy and full of grief and loss on so many levels…it cracked open.  I woke up in the hospital and felt light as a feather.  I felt GOD.  I felt the sun from the hospital room shining on my face.  I felt as if I was reborn, Ma.  The grief oozed out of every cell and pore of my being and my broken heart healed. 

I miss you so very much and this life is very different than what I had planned-but it is perfect just as it is right now in this moment as we talk.  I am so deeply sorry it took me 4 years to have this chat.  I have wondered about the years gone by where I pushed you away or didn’t want a hug that I would kill for now.  I have the answers now. I was angry then too.  You cared for your sister and I needed you.  I am so sorry.  I know you did the best you could and now Michelle is caring for me.  So, it’s full circle Ma!  Okay, I know you have to go.  Please tell daddy I get his messages!!  Do me a favor Ma?  Send me some more like you did yesterday at the neurologist.  That was you wasn’t it?  I knew it!  I won’t be a stranger anymore.  I love you so much - please forgive me and thank you for everything.

 See you soon.

Your Daughter,

Annette