Ann’s Story

Writing about the loss of my Mum is always special. I get a chance to reflect on how I currently feel about such a significant loss. I lost my Mum when I was 14, and 14 years later I’ve felt a great deal of things!

My Mum was the kindest person I knew and possibly the biggest worrier too. I think both characteristics rubbed off on me. Both my Brother and my Mum shared similar personalities, whilst my Dad and I were alike in our ways. However, my Mum and I had a Mother Daughter bond and friendship that was special. I have missed that friendship ever since.

Losing my Mum as a teenager was tough, I didn’t know how to process anything because I didn’t know anyone else who had gone through it. I thought I just had to get on with it and when others eventually stopped talking about her passing, I thought that meant I could no longer talk about her too. I felt very isolated and different but like I had mastered wearing a mask that meant I seemed okay.

I always questioned what it would be like having my Mum around. Would we be close, would I still tell her everything, would we talk boys, would I ring her as soon as I didn’t know how to do something around the house or I was worried about a health issue, particularly a women’s issue!

Most people see grief as something in the past and you get through it but how can it be when I lost someone I needed all these years. I lost her again when I went to Uni, when I graduated, when I got a job, when I had my first and rather messy break up.

I lost her again when I lost my brother 3 years ago. It was then that I realised I couldn’t stay quiet about my grief. I couldn’t feel alone and abnormal compared to all my friends, I needed to find something to help.

I found the grief community and later created Grief Kid on Instagram. Grief Kid is the grief part of me that had no where to go before. Now I get to talk about my Mum and Brother and I get to hear from others who they have lost. There is an amazing online community for grievers and they are all so supportive. It doesn’t bring my Mum or Brother back but it allows me to keep talking about them because they will always be a massive part of my life.

I still miss my Mum and my Brother but now I get to keep them in my life and feel supported in my grief. That is a lot nicer than feeling so alone and like I can’t mention them!