Stella’s Story

I was 10 years old when my beloved mother was killed in a horrific car accident. Both she and my father died that day, and I never got the chance to say goodbye. The one moment I was excited about my sister’s birthday party, and the next I was parentless. Becoming an orphan changed me forever. 

Growing up without my mother was like being left alone on a battlefield with no protective armour. No one ever sat me down to give me advice. I had to figure things out on my own. From getting my first period to giving birth to my daughter, there was no one there to guide me. After being on this Earth for only one decade, I had to parent both myself and my little sister. I had to be our source of comfort, support, advice, guidance and love; and I had no idea how to do any of it. 

It has been 17 years since my mother passed, and ever since I have held on to every memory that my brain has allowed me to have access to. I remember my mother’s smile; so pure and so comforting. I remember her infectious laugh and the shape of her fingernails. I remember the waffle recipe she taught me and the taste of her favourite dishes. I remember some of her favourite outfits - there was always something either beige, black or white. I remember the way she braided my hair with care and washed the hard-to-reach places on my back. I remember what it felt like to be safe and loved unconditionally.

I’m a motherless mother now, and I still miss my mom. There are amazing days, but there are still days when the pain of losing my mother feels raw. With time I have understood that my mother’s love is still and will forever be a part of me. It didn’t die when she died. It will always be a fire that burns inside me - sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it makes me feel warm and at peace. 

To conclude, I’d like to share one of my favourite quotes (I’m not sure who the author is): “God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December and mothers forever”.