Anshita’s Story

My name is Anshita and I lost my mother two years ago on the 12th of April, 2019. I knew the dictionary term of grief but I had no idea how it felt until I lost my mother. When I think about her or about the relationship I shared with her, I instantly smile. Even in my pain, I hold close to my heart the gift of my mother’s life.

When I think about my mom I remember the extra ordinary life that she lived. She had such a charming personality. She was a graceful host. She loved getting dressed up. She would capture each and every moment. She loved wearing her jewelry. The moment she entered the room all eyes were on her. She was always the centre of attention. She was such a perfectionist in every area of her life. Sometimes I would wonder how does she do it? My life will continue to be blessed as the stories of my mother develop and settle in my mind’.

I shared a very beautiful relationship with her. We were more like friends. I fondly addressed her as Tams - short for Tamanna. During my childhood I remember playing badminton and cricket with her. As I grew up she taught me how to play cards. It was her favourite game. We would crack jokes and laugh out loud. Watching horror movies together was our guilty pleasure. We shared a common love for food. We would keep finding different recipes and kept experimenting because we just couldn’t repeat a dish. My connection with my mother is inviolate; it cannot be broken.

My mother taught me how to live. She would always tell me that life if well lived is long enough. She was always so positive and honest that’s what I loved about her. She was the fashion police in our house.  I will carry with me forever the strength my mother bequeathed to me.

 A mother’s loss is a very difficult loss to process at a very young age. I was 19 years old when I lost her. I was numb, heartbroken and scared. It felt as if someone had stabbed me directly in my heart. Suddenly life felt dull and meaningless without her. 

I have learned a lot from my grief. So what if my mother is not physically present she lives on in my heart and memories. I write letters to her each day. I still discuss so many things with her. Sometimes I talk to her photographs. She visits me often in my dreams and I think that is the most beautiful moment of my day. I know someday I too have to depart from this world that’s why I have written a book entitled - Our Time Together Is The Greatest Gift - so that even when I’m not around our story will still remain in this world. I know that love does not cease with the event of death. Grief is a passage that one has to go through. Something you can’t get over but instead learn to live with because in another time, in a happier place, you’ll meet again. 

I’m happy that I have found such a supportive community on Instagram. I have come across such amazing souls. So lastly to the audience reading this: I may not know you, I may not be your friend but I understand your loss and I’m all ears to hear about your loved one. Please reach out if you ever feel unheard, low or just tired @thejournalofgrief

In my memory, I can live with my mother again and be glad.