Leah’s Story

My mum, Miriam, died of breast cancer 3 years ago. I was 30. This short piece is about where I’m at in my grieving process, a confusing place. Only recently am I able to stay with some of the most painful feelings and experiences related to her death. It’s a transitional space for me, uncharted ground that I struggle to comprehend. I’m encouraged to trust my intuition as I search for solace and continue on this journey of disorientation, and of growth.

Attempt at new writing #1 or

The spirit moves through time and space, looking for somewhere soft to land

The disorientation of transition is causing me anxiety. The drilling outside my apartment is nauseating. Metal pushing through solid ground, blasting concrete. Or, wanting to blast but it’s more like a gradual sinking. Each push-turn of the drill causes debris to fly about, scraping away at a solid mass that is not meant to be disturbed. When the silence arrives it’s relieving. The world is still again, as it is supposed to be. I imagine a long forest in front of me. In the sky, I am observing from above. Tree tops gently rustle in the wind. The air is warm and dewy, the sky is a soft grey. The deep greens of the trees convene so effortlessly. Birds circle, gently and with purpose. Beyond the trees I catch glimpses of the lake, glistening. (are you there?) This is the familiar, holding me within its existence.

Photo taken by my mum, Miriam, on a canoe trip that she took in 2013.