Fouz’s Story

I noticed the other day that when I say “My mum…” a part of me turns into a little child – my mother’s daughter. Losing my mum was never part of the plan. She was meant to stay with me at least forever. Naïve, I know.

When I was 25, I lost my mother. She was 48. I wasn’t equipped to cope with life without her. I hadn’t seen her since I was 18 years old and now, I would never see her again.

My first instinct was to throw myself into work. Luckily for me, I had a great supervisor who would always remind me to go home on time.

One day when I was on my way home, I saw a sign for yoga. Instinctively, I wandered in. I went onto train as a yoga teacher and deepened my own practice.

I started meditating and keeping a journal of my thoughts and feelings around my mother’s death. My collection of letters, birthday cards, and emails from her served as a sign that she had existed. I created my own personal album full of pictures and memories of mum and I.

In an effort to connect with others, I started writing about my loss and researching grief. My favourite researcher – Dr Robert Neimeyer talks about “continuing the bonds”, i.e. allowing ourselves to continue to keep our loved ones memories alive.

This is exactly what I was doing!

Writing became a therapeutic outlet and served to connect me with people who appreciated my work as it supported them through their loss.

I went on to study counselling so that I could better help people and started my own practice Start from Within.

Losing my mum taught me that despite of all the planning we do, life happens. Or rather, death happens.

Whilst nothing can prepare us for the loss of our loved ones, here are a few things that I have learnt we can do to support ourselves whilst moving through grief:

Find your therapeutic supports. Perhaps this is 1-1 counselling, support groups, some sort of movement such as yoga, writing, or something else. Look at your local area, online, or even ask your doctor who might be familiar with grief supports.

Be kind to yourself. Often griefy emotions can feel uncomfortable and unhelpful to our logical minds. Whatever it is that you are feeling in the aftermath of loss is valid for you. This could even be a non-stereotypical emotion such as relief. Sometimes this is normal as people can be sad to lose their loved one but also relieved that their loved one is no longer in pain.

 Keep an eye on the basics. These may include sleep, hygiene, appetite, and routine. Sometimes in the throes of grief, one of these pillars can tumble causing a ripple affect on our health. If you experience this, it may be time to seek professional help and revisit your therapeutic supports.

Abraham Lincoln said, “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

And I do too. My mother carried me under her wings for 25 years of my life and I hope that she died peacefully, knowing that her strong daughter would carry on without her.