Grace M.’s Story

I still feel so sad when I think of my mother. She was an incredible person, and always my role model. I hope she is proud of me, trying to survive this difficult life without my mom to guide me.

My mother was beautiful and so amazing. She would do anything she could for her family. Whatever I needed, she would try her best to get it for me. Once when I mentioned that I would be moving to freezing cold Vermont soon, she went out and bought three different snow parkas for me to try on and choose from.

She traveled all over the world even as she was slowly dying from cancer. My parents loved going on a different cruise each year. They visited such beautiful countries! My mom loved bringing back little souvenirs for us. My dad would push her in a wheelchair when she could no longer bear the pain of walking.

My mother was such a caring person. She would fly to come visit us to see her grandsons even when it became physically painful for her to travel. She knew it was a lot of work for me to fly with two disabled boys to go see her. So she would rather suffer herself than to see her daughter face difficulty. She loved her grandsons so much!

She was very strong in fighting cancer for almost a decade because she wanted to see her grandchildren grow up as long as possible. My parents met us at Disney World once while she was going through chemo treatments. She bought a wig so she wouldn't scare my sons with seeing her bald head. When her hair grew back again she said it was strange her hair grew back without any grey. To this day, I have never dyed my hair. I would rather embrace my grey hairs than endure chemo like my mom did.

My mom was a great shopper, always finding the best deals and sales. Her theory was to buy high quality things at a lower price on sale. Instead of buying that $10 shirt from Walmart, buy the $20 shirt at Macy’s when it's on clearance for $10. That's one of the shopping tips I learned from her. I also remember her saying you should buy the things from the country where they specialize in making that item. So always buy gold jewelry and leather goods from Italy. Now whenever I travel someplace, I try to purchase something that's at a lower price, or an item made locally in that place.

Towards the end, while on home hospice, my mom really learned the true meaning of life. She would pray to the Buddhist Goddess of Compassion daily. One time she told me to keep the bracelet she was wearing and told me to put it on my own wrist. She said her sister-in-law was very nice, so she will give the ring on her finger to her sister-in-law when she comes to visit. I think my mom realized that she can't bring any material things with her when she dies, so she was giving them all away. My mom was even generous until the end.

I stayed with her for a few weeks and tried to care for her as best as I could, but I lived half way across the country and I had my own two disabled sons to take care of at home. It was such a difficult time for me.

I sat in on her music therapy class while I was with her. We closed our eyes and imagined we were in my mom's most favorite place in the world, Hawaii, walking on the beach with the people we loved the most. The music therapist played her guitar and sang John Denver's song, "Today", my mom's favorite song about the strawberries and wine.

I wasn't there the day she passed. She had the rest of her family there with her though. I know my mom was imagining my sons and I were with her walking on the sand in Paradise as she was drifting away.

At my mom's funeral, as I listened to the song "Today" playing, I could feel myself on that beach in Hawaii with my mom one last time.