Karla’s Story
On November 27th, 2019, at 3:29PM, I watched my mother take her last breath. She died with dignity and a smile on her face. At this moment, the circle of life was clear to me. Forty-five years ago, my mom went into labor with me and brought me into this world. She saw my first breath, and I was present to watch her take her last. And so, the cycle will continue…
At seventy-seven years old, my Trinidadian mother was the epitome of health. She was a retired Clinical Dietitian from The University of Texas, MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas. After retirement, she spent much of her time volunteering at Sagemont Church, spending time with her grandchildren, friends, and family, and caring for her beloved herb, fruit, and vegetable garden. She also loved to cook, travel, and go on mission trips around the world. My mother kept a healthy lifestyle and bragged about her ability to walk five to seven miles three times a week for exercise. Her favorite color was blue. I can no longer look at the color blue without thinking about my mother.
Our brains have a funny way of protecting us from pain by having us believe our parents would be with us forever. But cancer doesn’t care how old or strong you are - it relentlessly takes a hold of your body, ravishes it until there is nothing left.
The same Cancer Center where my mother retired ironically gave her a cancer diagnosis I will never forget - Primary Central Nervous System (CNS) melanoma. Primary CNS melanomas are rare, and they make up about 1% of all cases of melanomas and 0.07% of all brain tumors. These tumors are aggressive and may metastasize to other organs. To date, less than 25 cases have been reported in the literature. The survival rate is 10 weeks once the cancer spreads to other organs. This is when I wish science wasn’t so accurate but a mere estimate. Unfortunately, my mother died exactly 10 weeks after her diagnosis.
Personally, witnessing my mother’s death made me realize death is not an event that is far removed from you. It’s real and will happen to any of us. We aspire to live a long life and believe that we will, but how many of us are truly living life or simply operating on borrowed time?
It’s been 2 years, 3 months, 1 week, 3 days, 16 hours, 19 minutes and 59 seconds since witnessing my mothers last breath. Each day I live is another day without her. But her spirit lives on and is alive and well within me, her grandchildren, and every life she touched and brought joy to before God called her home.
Death is imminent. How we live each day is a choice. My mother’s death awakened a longing within me to live a more purposeful life. I have been intentional and more self-aware of how I show up in this world each day. And also, the energy I put out into the world.
My mother left a legacy of love, faith, and service, which made me question my legacy. What values, ideas, and lessons would I leave my children? How could I live my life now in a way that I am living a legacy and not just leaving a financial legacy behind? I answered this question by giving myself permission to heal, so I am no longer surviving in life by thriving.
Self-Reflection Questions:
Are you living your life to leave a financial legacy to your family? Or are you living a legacy of positive impact and value which multiplies with each generation?
Ways to Live out Your Legacy:
Be authentic – be true to who you are. Don’t waste time being something you are not.
Share your story – platforms like the Motherlove Project allow us to express our grief collectively, showing us, we are not alone.
Heal – we can’t heal what we are not willing to reveal. Reach out to your support group or seek professional help from a grief counselor, pastor, or bereavement organization for help.
Explore and define your personal values and align your decisions with them. – What motivates you? Is it intrinsic or external? That’s where your values lie.
Reflect on your past, your pain, and your passion. This is where your purpose lies. Live out your purpose.
Karla J Noland is a wife, mother, speaker, author, and a personal development/mindset coach. She is the founder and CEO of Reveal Heal Thrive LLC. Karla’s mission is to help the Working Mother to prioritize herself and her dreams to the top of her “To Do” list with a winning strategy to achieve her goals. Her latest book and bereavement companion journal, titled The Day My Heart Turned Blue chronicles Karla’s healing journey after the death of her mother. Purchase anywhere books worldwide or at https://revealhealthrive.com/books
