As many of these stories start out, my mother was and will always be my best friend. My 3 siblings and I would argue she was the best mom a child could have. As a child, she endured neglect and abuse through the foster care system and vowed she would become a good mother. She kept her promise to us every day. Sadly, her years and years of trauma haunted her night and day. She struggled with mental health and alcoholism and had attempted suicide throughout the years. Each time, she would be so sorry for almost succumbing to the pain and leaving us.

That was until July 15th, 2018, the night that my mother died by suicide. I was the last one to speak to her and I knew something was wrong. She promised that us kids would be okay and to please let her go. I hung up so I could ask a loved one to go check on her; she left us right after we hung up the phone. That night would change our lives forever. The night her pain on earth would overcome her joy and we would lose her. But through the the grief and heartbreak, I have not been angry with her. I learned how powerful trauma is and that she was so desperate for relief and peace. She was the reason I became a therapist, but there was no amount of training to prepare me for the grief and trauma of losing my mom to suicide.

Since then, I had engaged in therapy, attended support groups, and have published 5 books about grief, all dedicated to her. I now have a 6-month old daughter and another baby girl on the way, and my promise to them is to love them the way my mom loved us. And to access mental health resources and fight to break the stigma daily because my mother did not have that chance. But I do.