Wendy’s Story

May 31, 2022, a beautiful warm sunny day, the very beginning of summer for my kids. A long stretch of time home, together. My dad’s 75th birthday. A glorious sunset, a silver crescent moon, a fierce thunderstorm. The day my mom flew away. 

Two and a half months earlier, after a “Herculean” effort, we sat quietly waiting for her favorite doctor, to get his recommendation.  “You have fought so hard, you have been able to overcome many obstacles, I think you should keep fighting but I think you have come to the end of the rope.”  She told him she loved him, I am grateful she invited me to this appointment. He advised her to go straight to the hospital. She said, not today, we are going to brunch! 

The last in person visit with my mom is imprinted on my heart forever. Her first words when we walked in were “where are the margaritas?!” And I will never forget her mustering up the strength to say “bye babe!” in her most positive, cheerful voice when we left. I talked to her everyday for the next 19 days, but I didn’t see her again until she was gone. I was on my way home to spend her last days by her side, God had other plans. 

After her mom died, my grandma, any time a light would flicker or go out, she would say, “Hi Ginny!” She felt her mom during those times. On the night my mom left, a huge storm blew through Hudson. The power in my parents house was out for over 12 hours. She left with a bang, I expected nothing less. Bye mom, I thought in disbelief. 

I have had a lump in my throat since she died an almost constant holding back tears. A sadness I was not ready for. An end of life no one could have prepared me for. 

I didn’t just lose my mom. I lost my best friend, my biggest supporter. The only person in the whole wide world who truly loved me unconditionally. No one loves you like your mom does, no one. 

I lost my daily check in, my decision collaborator.  The person who helped me deal with all of life’s challenges. My “walking” partner, she would get annoyed when other people called her while they were walking or driving, but not me, she always wanted to talk to me. My party planner and private shopper.  My staying up late companion and book recommender. My favorite person in the whole world to be with, have lunch or dinner or a glass of wine with. The person who I could talk to about anything. She supported and encouraged my crazy animal adoption ideas. She loved my kids like I do. She saw and loved all of the wonderful unique things about each of them. My kids all felt immense love from my mom as well. How lucky they are!  She helped me with parenting decisions and gave me relationship advice.  I want to ask her so many things. She just understood me, in every way. I now know that this type of relationship is not something everyone gets to experience, I am one of the lucky few. 

My mom was so much fun. She was always up for anything, whenever we were together she just wanted to be with me and help me, whatever I was doing.  She loved margaritas and was happy and so glad to be alive. I am who I am because of her. She helped me more than I ever knew. Living without her has been unimaginable and heartbreaking. 

I miss my mom, I miss her so incredibly much. Carpe Diem, seize the day, do all the things, a motto I will always remember her by. 

She knew her end was near, although she could never bring herself to say it to me, or talk to me about it. She asked some of our friends and family to take care of me, her baby. She was so worried about leaving me. My aunt asked me to tell her I would be ok.  I do not feel ok without her, I told her I would miss her every day for the rest of my life and so far that is true. Not a day or hour goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her tremendously. 

Love you mom, till we meet again!  I will look for you everywhere.  In the night sky, the sunsets, the beach and ocean waves. In the birds, butterflies and dragonflies.  I know you are flying high. I love you mom, give all of our babies a kiss from me, I can’t wait to see you again! “One fine morning when this life is over I’ll fly away”

Lynn Csernotta Beaton 1948-2022