Mandy’s Story

I lost my mum on the 31st of March 2024 (Easter Sunday). It was all the words people use to explain a traumatic loss but which you don’t understand unless you experience a loss like this yourself. Words like sudden, traumatic, unexpected, life changing and devastating. She brought us up as a single parent and loved us so much that we didn’t even notice the absent parent. She was our cheerleader, our biggest champion and our prayer warrior. We were a three, a unit, a trio. The loss is insurmountable, as though a piece of you has been ripped from you forever. I half imagine my Mum is sat at her house with a cup of tea and biscuit watching her favourite South Asian drama, unable to fathom how someone who was there every day of your life can vanish in an instant. I wrote this poem for her funeral:

Poem for Mom

I still remember

When the nurse said ‘she’s gone’

I nodded my head

and played along

I thought she was mistaken

She didn’t know you

The things you’d overcome

Warrior through and through

You didn’t think you were pretty

You asked ‘what have I achieved?’

Until one day Pinky told you

‘But you made us Mummy’

I was your first born

Called me Baby 82

I’d pull up a chair as a child

Sit in front of the fire with you

You made us laugh

When you got words wrong

You’d get annoyed

When we wouldn’t listen to your songs

We’d go to a restaurant

And you’d always say

‘These are my girls’

Give our life story away

You loved tea and cake

Made the best Indian food

Now their food will taste meagre

But I won’t appear rude

Each morning I wake

Ask myself ‘is it true?’

To get through another day

Seems far too much to do

Still expect you to walk in

Leave your slippers where they were

No need to move them

While I live through this blur

I’ll treasure your wisdom

It pulled us through

But you’ll live on inside us

No matter what me and Pinky do

Last time we saw you

You said ‘finish your degree’

Told pav to sing praises

Then your spirit was set free

Raised us on your own

When no one else was around

Forged your own path

Kept our feet on solid ground

When money was tight

We never went without

Battles you shielded us from

Of that I have no doubt

Found a picture of us

When I was just a child

Crying at a party

As you lovingly smiled

You were our everything

Of all of us, you were the best

You loved wholeheartedly

Of that you passed the test

You went so quickly

That my brain can’t adjust

Yet my hearts stuck in limbo

While they say ‘dust to dust’

You were our biggest champion

Taught us right from wrong

Now the road ahead is unknown

And path seems far too long

I’ve googled average ages

people lose their mum

I’m fourteen years too young

For when you should have gone

I’ll try not to remember you

As you were in the end

But rather as the brightest soul

And our very best friend

You were my home

My very safe place

Now I’m out here alone

Longing to see your face

Something you told me

‘When you first hear something,

The shock is new

But time brings healing and it will to you’

I’ll see you in the music

And the joys that we shared

And above all be grateful

For the fact that you cared

Now you’re sat beside Jesus

Receiving your reward

You were a gift sent from heaven

For that we thank the Lord