Emma’s Story
On April 10th 2020, something happened that would change my life indefinitely. My dear mother Aline passed away. She won her 13 year long battle against early- onset Alzheimer's disease, but lost the fight against COVID-19. She was 65 years old. She saw this virus as an opportunity to escape. But she would have wanted to leave long ago. She would have never wanted to go through this painful journey. She stayed for me, for my brother, for my father, for her brothers and sisters. Out of love. She is now free. The suffering is over.
For the last five years of her life, she lived in a long term care facility. Every time I visited her, I tried to make the best of it. I would talk to her, sing with her, hold her hand, kiss her, dance around her, laughed with her. But I had already lost her a long time ago. The disease took over her mind and her body year after year. When I thought I couldn’t get worse, it did. When I thought I had been through enough pain, it was only just beginning. In her last years, she was surviving, but not living. That was always hard to see. Progressively, slowly, I lost my mother before I even had the time to know her. She was diagnosed when I was 11. She was 52 at the time. Obviously, I didn’t grasp the magnitude of the disease and what it would do to us all.
As I held her hand for the last time on her death bed, I remembered all the memories we had together. A family trip to the beach, the times I baked with her, the times she comforted me and told me stories to help me fall asleep, our family camping trips, our long walks hand in hand, the times we danced together. I remembered her contagious laugh. It always gave me strength and encouraged me to keep going. I also remembered all the hard times. The times where I got mad at her for forgetting my birth date, for forgetting details that really shouldn’t have mattered at all. The times where people stared, or looked away out of fear or discomfort. The times where I was ashamed. At the disease, not at her. But I couldn’t distinguish the two, for I was only a kid. The times where I said mean things to her and made her cry. But I didn’t understand the power and the impact of my words, because was just a kid. I also thought about all the memories we wouldn’t get to make together. My heart is shattered, and I don’t think a lifetime will be enough to mend it. I have been grieving for the past decade, but the grieving process is far from being over.
I will remember my mother as being a kind, caring, loving and genuinely happy woman. She always made sure my brother and I had everything we needed. She was not only loving towards us, but also towards everyone that happened to cross paths with her. Mom has taught me how to love. She is my biggest inspiration and will forever guide the way I live my life. She also indirectly helped me become independent, mature and resilient. I couldn’t have wished for a better mother. She will always be with us, in our hearts and our souls. Our love is stronger than ever.
