Sally’s Story
My lovely Mum, Rose, passed away suddenly in late November 2019, due to a sudden seizure, aged 64. Her passing was completely unexpected and a devastating shock, and she was taken too soon.
Mum suffered from epilepsy and had a prolonged seizure that led to her passing, also known as SUDEP. She was fit and healthy and had no health issues other than epilepsy. We don’t know what exactly caused her seizure and ultimately her death, as SUDEP is something that hasn’t been widely researched. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that she would pass away due to a seizure, or that I would lose my Mum when I was 33 years old.
Grief is something we all go through, yet after losing my Mum, I felt so alone. Without many peers experiencing a big loss, I searched for resources in Australia for people my age (early 30s), and found very little. So, after a chance meeting with Imogen at a Motherless Daughters meetup, we decided to start Good Mourning, a podcast that aims to open up the conversation around grief, by providing a platform to discuss what loss is really like, with honesty and humour. Starting the podcast has been strangely cathartic, and the thought of helping others feel less alone in their grief has been the driving force behind it.
As I approach one year without my sweet Mum, and navigate this “new normal” that is living life after a death, I’ve been reflecting and ruminating on the lessons loss has taught me so far. Here are some of them:
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Live for today, and let the little things go. They really don’t matter (honest).
Grief shows you the kind of friends you want in your life. Since losing Mum, I’ve become clearer on my real friendships. It’s not worth keeping toxic people around you, especially when you are grieving.
You have to face the bad, most painful days. I know you don’t want to, but facing them head-on will help you heal.
Grief is exhausting. Period.
If I had my time again, I’d take more videos and voice recordings of my Mum. The ones I have are few, and not enough.
Go easy on yourself. Let yourself have a day in bed if you need it. Equally, drink all the wine if you need to.
Stay in touch with people, even if you feel like hiding from the world. The people in your life will be key to getting you through those dark days. Doesn't have to be an army - one or two are enough.
If you let them in, positives can come out of grief. For me, starting the podcast and my friendship with Imogen are big silver linings. I didn’t think I’d associate “silver linings” and “grief” at the start of the year. But it is possible.
Looking ahead to the anniversary of Mum’s passing in a few weeks, I carry this mantra with me, which she always used to say:
“Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can.”
For me, this quote has been top of mind as I have surfed the waves of my grief. Through the podcast, I hope I am putting these words into practice, by turning my Mum's passing into a positive legacy.
