Simrun’s Story

It has taken me a while to share my story as I still find it all so harrowing so here is a simplified version. My wonderful Mum died when she was 56 years old in 2019 from breast cancer.

 She was diagnosed in July 2016 when she was 53 with a very aggressive form of cancer called triple negative breast cancer. It was such a shock to the system as she didn’t lead an unhealthy lifestyle at all.

 She then proceeded to have chemo, surgery and radiotherapy and finally completed her treatment in March 2017. Even thinking about those months of treatment makes me cry. They were so difficult for her and our family. I have a large extended family and my Mum’s parents are still alive and at the time so was my Dad’s Dad, but my Mum didn’t want people to know and subsequently worry, so the only people who knew were my Dad, brother, my Mum’s sister and one of my Dad’s sisters. Our close friends and work colleagues also knew as we all needed support.

 Finally, the treatment came to an end in March 2017 and Mum was making a really good recovery. She went back to her yoga, tai chi and meditation classes and was making sure she got her 10,000 steps a day in.

 Then in December 2018 she started to feel unwell. In February 2019 she was admitted to hospital and we were told the cancer that returned and it was terminal. Finding this news out broke my heart. My Mum was so brave and confronted her mortality in the most inspiring way. She also comforted us so many times. I have lost count of the number of times, I would cry and get into bed with her and ask her ‘How are we going to cope without you?’ A part of me can’t believe how selfish I was, asking my dying Mum that question, but also, I am so thankful that we actually had those conversations.

 My Mum tried to have palliative chemo but it didn’t agree with her and she was admitted to hospital many times between February and June. What made everything more complicated was that my wedding was planned for May 2019. My Mum was a very selfless person and again didn’t want the extended family knowing until the wedding as over, as she didn’t want her cancer to overshadow my wedding so only my immediate family, two aunts and my now-Husband’s immediate family knew.

 The days leading up to my wedding were absolutely awful and I wanted to cancel everything, but we didn’t. My Mum didn’t let me and I understand her reasons; she would never be alive to see my brother get married so she wanted to see me get married. My wedding was filled with a mix of emotions and even now if I look at my wedding pictures for too long, I cry.

 After my wedding and honeymoon (which again, Mum made sure we went on), I moved back home. My Mum slowly became housebound and bedbound (mainly due to a blood clot in her arm which caused her arm to swell and restricted all movement and function) but she tackled her illness head on. She made sure she filed her taxes and took care of all her paperwork. She was so organised and had a file for everything!

 My Dad, brother and I all took turns sleeping on the couch at night so she wouldn’t be alone during the night and so we could help her if ever she needed anything.

 In the last few days of her life, she slipped in and out of consciousness and eventually on the morning of the 14 August 2019 she died in the arms of my Dad and with me and my brother by her bedside hugging and kissing her. 

 She was, and still is the most amazing person I know and I am so proud to say that I am her daughter. And as my brother wrote (in her funeral programme), when she did leave us it was with such grace, dignity and warmth it cannot help but be a source of enduring inspiration to all who witnessed it.